Just before the new year, some punk kid who I had never met before sent me this e-mail.

You can’t be a moderator like me! I am the best moderator and every time I come to this site I puke all over myself! Want a good site, try mine! Bitch! I’m Raven and my site KICKS ASS, you stupid idiot. You cant draw either!!!

Wow, such an eloquent statement. Bitch. I have no freakin’ idea what he means by saying that I can’t be a moderator like him, but judging by the way this clown does business when he talks about his site, I am quite sure that I don’t want to be anything even remotely resembling whatever the hell he is. The way he wrote all of this forces me to believe that he’s been to my website more than once, so in turn I am forced to wonder why he bothered coming back for a second helping if he puked all over himself the first time. Not the most intelligent thing to tell someone you’re trying to make a point to. And you’ve got to appreciate how he just tacks on “You cant draw either!!!” at the end. With three exclamation points. Oooh, serious.

Perhaps I was being vain, but I could only assume that this e-mail was sent to me with the thought that I’d make fun of it, and thus draw attention to the so-called kick ass site that this “Raven” person claims to have. So of course I’m not going to put the URL up here because that’s exactly what he wants and I’m not playing that game today. Not that it would have mattered if I had posted about this at the time, since the website address provided in the e-mail did not work. I found this kick ass “Page can not be found” site amusing, but I shrugged it off and didn’t even bother replying.

Then I got this a few days later:

Hey jerk, I told you I wanted to challenge you in in who’s a better webmaster!

LOOK AT MY SITE!!!

and then cry because it is FAR supierior to your crappy site!

Heh, “supierior”. Well, actually, he did not officially issue a formal challenge the last time, but whatever. So I check out the site address he included, this one being a completely different URL than the one from the first e-mail. The result?

“Page can not be found.”

You just can’t write comedy like that. It’s just too funny to make up. I sent “Raven” an e-mail complementing him on the nice job he did on this nonexistent web page, and that was the end of that. I haven’t heard back from him, so I just assumed that it was just someone’s idea of a joke.

But recently sorting out my in-box, I went back to take another look at those e-mails and, lo and behold, this “kick ass” website actually does exist now! So it’s real after all. Raven probably should have worked the bugs out before shooting off his big fat mouth, but there I was so I took a look around this “kick ass” website and found, in my humble opinion, that it was about as generic as you could possibly get on the Internet. Just another in a long line of anime websites with a fancy layout using standard images and the same sort of rudimentary information on the usual batch of popular, well known anime series that just about every other anime website like it already covers. Not bad, but nothing spectacular, nothing out of the ordinary, nothing no one else has ever seen before. Whoopdee freakin’ doo. Bitch.

Most interesting, however, was that there was a “Webmaster Tips” section. Perhaps this could help me make my crappy site as “kick ass” as Raven’s? So I read through it and, based on this situation, picked out a few lines that seemed to, shall we say, strike a chord with me.

You are not the best! This goes along with attitude too. Constantly saying “the best” or “the newest” not only sounds redundant, but also makes you look like a fool, and infuriates other webmasters. Nobody is the best – it’s a community.

Hmmm. And yet…

I am the best moderator and every time I come to this site I puke all over myself!

Hmmm.

Maybe you like to pick on the little sites, but one day they will be stronger and you will have made an enemy. If a site looks promising, help them out. With this little bit of help, the site may succeed, and who will they thank?

Hmmm. And yet…

…and then cry because it is FAR supierior to your crappy site!

Hmmm.

There will be periods of time people make fun of your site and such, but if you have the right motivation then move ahead forgetting what they’ve said and fulfill your goals.

Hmmm. And yet…

I’m Raven and my site KICKS ASS, you stupid idiot. You cant draw either!!!

Hmmm.

Like I said, interesting. Draw your own conclusions. Bitch.

Sayonara.

Confused and bewildered by the fact that I was actually awake on a Monday morning, and noticing the thick blanket of white snow outdoors, I had but one option to fill the time I’d otherwise have spent sleeping.

Bake some cookies.

How I arrived at this conclusion, I do not know. But that is exactly what happened. It would be the first time I had ever undertaken such a culinary endeavor, so even though I was following a recipe, it was a bold experiment because I did not know how these cookies would turn out or even if I had the talent to produce them properly.

The results?

AWESOME.

These are ninja style peanut butter cookies with tiny chocolate chips. The recipe actually came from the label on the peanut butter jar. 1 cup of peanut butter, a half cup of white sugar, and one egg, plus whatever extra little flourish you want, in this case the chocolate chips. Mix until the consistency no longer feels like peanut butter, roll into little balls and shove ’em in the oven at 325° c for 15 minutes. Pretty hard to screw this up, so they turned out really well.

Has the ninja found another calling? No, probably not. More like the ninja has found a new snack.

Sayonara.

It’s no secret that I have a goatee. If there is one stereotype that I actually fit into, it would the that of the goateed artist. I’ve pretty much had a goatee since I was 14 or 15, though there was a period of time where I had to be clean shaven for a job. All of my current acquaintances only know me as having a goatee, and I doubt that my family even remembers what I look like without one. It is probably my most defining physical characteristic, and I’m perfectly happy with that.

Until now I hadn’t really put much thought into it, but recently I somehow stumbled onto some interesting websites devoted to the art of sporting a goatee. This has changed the entire outlook I have on my hairy chin. I used to just have one because it was a lot easier than actually shaving there every day. But now I see the truth, that the goatee is an important part of a man’s identity!

Goatee Style is a website by Ryan, another goateed artist, and in addition to being a pretty cool site with interesting art and links, it also has some goatee information and pictures.

Goatee.org is a UK based site for all things goatee! Includes a FAQ, links to goatee history, a gallery, some weird British stuff, and even some poetry. I like this haiku.

I wear my goatee

It sits proudly on my face

Others, so jealous

That rules.

I say that the goatee is much more than just facial hair. Far beyond trendy clothes or any sort of changing personal style based on a fad, it is an all encompassing element of a person’s very being!

Or it just makes me look evil. Whatever. I’m cool with that.

Sayonara.

It’s not a happy day.

Dreamwave Productions, the publishers of the Transformers comic books, has closed. The writing may have been on the wall for a while, and rumors were swirling for weeks, but that doesn’t make the news any easier to swallow. It did come as a bit of a surprise though, since several new projects were announced and were supposed to come out soon, not the least of which was a Beast Wars comic book series that I would have absolutely devoured as soon as it hit the stands.

I really enjoyed their work on Transformers, so I find this news to be pretty depressing. Not just because I’m a Transformers fan and there won’t be any more comics coming out from them, but also because they were a local group of artists who became quite the success story here in Toronto. Living so close to their offices, I had hoped to someday work my way into their ranks as a colourist, not simply because I want to work on Transformers in an official capacity, but more so because they seemed like a great bunch of people and I really wanted to contribute. I know some people think that Pat Lee has a big ego, but having met the man at a few conventions I can honestly say that he’s one of the nicest folks I’ve ever encountered. I’ve also met some other artists and I know that there are quality people who have worked there. I sincerely hope that they all land on their feet. Best of luck to them.

Transformers is still really huge right now, with a new toy line and a new show coming later this year, and the upcoming live action movie produced by Steven Spielberg, so I have no doubt that it won’t be long before another company picks up the comic book license. The question is if this other company, whoever it ends up being, will treat the Transformers franchise and its fans with the same high degree of respect that Dreamwave did. In my eyes, they will have a lot to live up to.

The story isn’t over yet, so it remains to be seen what will end up happening with what’s left of Dreamwave, their unfinished projects, and the Transformers comic book license in general. Still, kicking off the new year with this sort of news doesn’t exactly fill my heart with confidence. Sigh.

Sayonara.

I’ve been waiting 17 years to say that line from the beginning of Transformers The Movie and actually mean it. Happy New Year, everyone!

I rung in the new year at a party with some great friends. We watched some crazy movies. Of course, Transformers had to be one of them seeing as this is the year 2005. We also watched Shaun of the Dead (which was awesome), the original 60’s Batman movie (which was not very awesome, but quite hilarious), The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Ghost in the Shell 2, and The Princess Bride. Good times all around.

2004 was not personally a great year for me, but I’ll always remember it as a great year to be a fan of the things that I enjoy. Transformers celebrated its 20th anniversary with great new releases that both moved the franchise forward and harkened back to the beginning. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles also celebrated its 20th anniversary, and continued its streak of great animated episodes on one of my most favorite TV shows. Godzilla had his 50th anniversary with several DVDs released to North America with subtitles and a new film that I hope to see in the new year. Star Wars finally came out on DVD, with a picture quality that looked like the movies had just been filmed yesterday. Anime and manga are, for better or worse, becoming more mainstream, but the result is more releases that are easier to find, and wider variety of series to choose from. Spider-man 2 proved that comic book movies kick ass and are here to stay. So with all this in mind I have to say that this was a pretty good year.

Now is the time when people look to the future and make resolutions for the upcoming year. Well, it’s no secret that several people have gone out of their way to tell me how much they don’t like me, that they hate my artwork, and that I should take down my webpage. It’s also no secret that the overwhelming majority of these people are complete idiots who can hardly even spell and have no manners. And it’s certainly no secret that I relish every opportunity to tell these people, in no uncertain terms, how stupid they really are. Maybe I’m right, maybe I’m wrong, but I’m a fighter and I don’t take insults lying down. While this year I have no doubt that this “trend” will continue, I resolve that in 2005 I will work my hardest to prove my detractors wrong. Actions speak louder than words, and while my words will still speak volumes as they always have, I promise that my actions in the coming year will completely shatter any of the insulting nonsense that is thrown at me. So expect great things from me and this site.

Take that to the bank.

Sayonara.