Art by Jim Lawson

It’s been known for a while now that Paramount is planning a new Ninja Turtles movie, and that Michael Bay’s company would be producing. Now things are gearing up and we’re getting closer to it becoming a reality, so little bits of news have dripped out recently. The whole Internet has gone bonkers over a brief speech that Michael Bay gave at a press even where he said that the Turtles would be “from an alien race”. People are spreading their nerd rage all over the place saying how Michael Bay is changing the origins, that he’s going to ruin Turtles like he did with Transformers, and other such nonsense.

It’s pretty clear, to me at least, that this is being blown way out of proportion and most of these complaints are totally unwarranted. But beyond that, I have to wonder how many of these complaining people have actually read the original TMNT comics? How many of them are actually, you know, fans? I’d wager to say that the majority of these people have not done so, and are, for the most part, only familiar with the original cartoon. You know, the one that changed the origins, changed the characters and added new ones, and changed the entire tone of the story. So it’s funny to me that these people are complaining when they really don’t know what they are talking about. These aren’t TMNT fans, they’re just people who watched a popular cartoon when they were kids.

At any rate, when I first heard the “alien” news, I was puzzled for a moment, but I figured that perhaps this is a roundabout way of explaining that the ooze which mutated the Turtles was created by aliens, because that’s how the story is supposed to go! That was the story from the original comics, and those aspects of the story have never been used in a movie yet. The director of this new film, Jonathan Liebesman (Michael Bay is not directing this film, another fact some idiots have missed), has basically come out and said that the canister of ooze originates from aliens. So, there it is! I’m sure there are other details that can’t be revealed yet and others that are still being worked out, but it all seems plain as day to me. And yet the alien talk continues.

Finally, as far as the comment that Transformers have been ruined and Turtles will be as well, give me a break. Transformers is more popular now than it ever has been. Those Micheal Bay movies might not be to everyone’s taste, but if they were so bad, and if everyone thinks that they are so bad, then why did they make so much money? Why did they keep making money? I understand that just because something is popular, that doesn’t make is any good, but box office numbers don’t lie, and the numbers we’re talking about are way too big to outright dismiss. And even if you don’t like those movies, we’ve still got an awesome cartoon on TV, we’ve got plenty of incredible toys on the shelves and more on the way, and there is still an active fandom that continues to grow. Plus, all of the old stuff you love is still there and hasn’t changed a bit, and nothing that happens in the future will ever change that. All of these points are going to apply to TMNT as well when the new Nickelodeon stuff is released by the end of the year.

But, hey, maybe I am wrong. Maybe this new movie will be all about racist exploding alien turtles. In that case, what would the outcome be? I suppose it would be so bad that it will offend everyone, make no money, and force the cartoon and toy line to be cancelled out of shame. Then, all of your childhood memories will be tainted, and everything that had previously made TMNT so great in the first place will be retroactively erased from history. Though, I suppose if you let all that bad stuff happen then you weren’t actually that big of a fan in the first place, so no big loss for you, right?

I’m hoping for a good movie as much as the next person, and I know that whatever happens will result in more visibility to the franchise, which is ultimately a good thing. But I’ll still be hanging on to all on my cool stuff and good memories, so even if there is a bad movie, it won’t change much for me.

Sayonara.