I try to make myself as accessible as I can via my website, however I pay the price in spam. I get a lot of spam, and most of it, I assume, comes from automatic spiders who mine the Internet looking for suckers like me to try to sell their garbage to. Over the years I’ve noticed several trends in how spammers try to bypass filters and fool spam blocking software into thinking that their unsolicited messages are actually legitimate e-mails. I’ve seen things like random real looking names, messages containing passages from novels, messages containing news stories, and messages containing bizarre awkward English that doesn’t make any sense.

A few weeks ago I noticed another strange trend. These spam messages seemed to be sent by a name, but instead of any common names, these names were all strange combinations of random words. There’s even a middle initial. Some of these “names” were so funny that I had to save them. There are some seriously outlandish names here, and some of them create interesting or ironic juxtapositions. So here I will share with you a few of my favorites.

Glycerol K. Slobbers
Doesn’t that just sound delightful.

Simulated T. Hoes
The fake hoes. Not the real kind.

Hurrying A. Dissuaded
So, which is it? Hurrying or Dissuaded?

Suctions R. Prickle
This name just gives me the creeps.

Handguns M. Connective
Obviously a card carrying member of the NRA.

Units R. Leeched
Alert! The units are leeched! I repeat! The units have been leached!

Therein D. Pontoons
The pontoons are over there, dammit!

Frigidaire H. Rawness
The Rawness family thought it’d be cute to name their child after a refrigerator. Kind of poetic.

Dissolutes D. Balderdash
Do not believe a word this man tells you.

Inconstancy H. Stovepipes
I don’t know why I think this one is so funny. It just is.

Stab L. Bomber
The name of a very flamboyant terrorist and member of the COBRA organization.

Mercenary D. Vigorously
Obviously a friend of Mr Stab L. Bomber up there.

Multiculturalism G. Barraging
Barraging you all with multiculturalism!

Tobogganing H. Clementine
When I have a son, I will name him Tobogganing.

Ballerina A. Food
Not much protein, but lots of calcium.

Poetess K. Lacerating
Yeouch!

Highboy L. Castration
YEOUCH!!!!

Seems like the trend is over now, because I don’t get any more like this. I guess the spammers figured out that it wasn’t working. Though I can’t honestly see how they’d actually think they could fool someone with a name from Ballerina A. Food in the first place.

Sayonara.