I try to make myself as accessible as I can via my website, however I pay the price in spam. I get a lot of spam, and most of it, I assume, comes from automatic spiders who mine the Internet looking for suckers like me to try to sell their garbage to. Over the years I’ve noticed several trends in how spammers try to bypass filters and fool spam blocking software into thinking that their unsolicited messages are actually legitimate e-mails. I’ve seen things like random real looking names, messages containing passages from novels, messages containing news stories, and messages containing bizarre awkward English that doesn’t make any sense.

A few weeks ago I noticed another strange trend. These spam messages seemed to be sent by a name, but instead of any common names, these names were all strange combinations of random words. There’s even a middle initial. Some of these “names” were so funny that I had to save them. There are some seriously outlandish names here, and some of them create interesting or ironic juxtapositions. So here I will share with you a few of my favorites.

Glycerol K. Slobbers
Doesn’t that just sound delightful.

Simulated T. Hoes
The fake hoes. Not the real kind.

Hurrying A. Dissuaded
So, which is it? Hurrying or Dissuaded?

Suctions R. Prickle
This name just gives me the creeps.

Handguns M. Connective
Obviously a card carrying member of the NRA.

Units R. Leeched
Alert! The units are leeched! I repeat! The units have been leached!

Therein D. Pontoons
The pontoons are over there, dammit!

Frigidaire H. Rawness
The Rawness family thought it’d be cute to name their child after a refrigerator. Kind of poetic.

Dissolutes D. Balderdash
Do not believe a word this man tells you.

Inconstancy H. Stovepipes
I don’t know why I think this one is so funny. It just is.

Stab L. Bomber
The name of a very flamboyant terrorist and member of the COBRA organization.

Mercenary D. Vigorously
Obviously a friend of Mr Stab L. Bomber up there.

Multiculturalism G. Barraging
Barraging you all with multiculturalism!

Tobogganing H. Clementine
When I have a son, I will name him Tobogganing.

Ballerina A. Food
Not much protein, but lots of calcium.

Poetess K. Lacerating
Yeouch!

Highboy L. Castration
YEOUCH!!!!

Seems like the trend is over now, because I don’t get any more like this. I guess the spammers figured out that it wasn’t working. Though I can’t honestly see how they’d actually think they could fool someone with a name from Ballerina A. Food in the first place.

Sayonara.

I have nothing to write about right now, but I am not content to simply write nothing. So I just came up with this.

Most people who own weblogs will, at some point, post an entry composed of lyrics from a song that somehow represent the way they are feeling at the time. Usually the song is some kind of dark and angsty thing, detailing how miserable life is or some other such nonsense.

I have recently realized that I have never done this in my weblog. Gasp! Perhaps, if this is indeed what so many other people believe weblogs are for, then I should remedy this startling oversight.

Now, I’m not much of a music guy, and I couldn’t possibly care any less about anything the music video channel has to say, but as far as dark and angsty goes, I’ve got you all beat! Since I know little of the ways of popular music, nor would I ever care to, I am limited in my choice of songs that I know with lyrics that can truly articulate the complicated emotions that I am feeling right now. But I have picked one that I think is appropriate. Please take note of the subtle subtext. Enjoy.

OH!
Harvey, Harvey!
Harvey the Wonder Hamster!
He doesn’t bite and he doesn’t squeal,
He just runs around on his hamster wheel!
Harvey, Harvey,
Harvey the Wonder Hamster!
HEY HARVEY!

Yes, I feel much better now. Thanks goes out to Mr. Yankovic, a true visonary of our times.

Sayonara.

Yes, there have been new updates. You can read all about the specifics right here, but right now I’d like to talk about one new addition in particular, that being the “Ninjatron Sucks at Drawing Transformers” article. So, please indulge me this opportunity to explain things a little. You should probably read it first though.

If you have been visiting SykoGrafix for a long time now, you may remember, about a year ago, where I posted a weblog entry about a guestbook comment I received from a man named Paul who thought I sucked at drawing Transformers. Following that was another entry regarding an e-mail exchange we had. If you do recall this, then good for you, you are ahead of the game. The story continued far beyond what I had posted back then, and I had always intended to see where this would lead so that I could potentially write an article about it. I have been holding on to this content for this whole year. It was not my intention to wait this long for the article to come out, but other things, including convention reports, other articles I wanted to finish first, and delays due to illness, have prevented me from finishing it until now. I think the story is timeless regardless of how long it took for me to tell it, but I do wish that I could have released it earlier. The only reasons why I didn’t were sort of out of my hands. Actually, I could have updated the site a week ago with enough content, but I chose to delay it so I could add this article as well so I wouldn’t put it off any longer.

This really was a huge article, much bigger than I had anticipated. When it finally came down to putting the pieces together, I actually had it on one page and sliced it into two parts when it was done so that it wouldn’t be so long. This was a big project and a lot of work went into it. I realize that it may be offensive to some people that I worked so hard on something like this, but I don’t care. I had a lot of fun polishing this off, adding the commentary, and making the stupid pictures that go along with it. I was honestly really amused that I came up with all of this, and I think that the audience will be too. If you’re not, well then I guess you just didn’t get it.

And that’s why I am a little nervous about this article. I’m not sure how people are going to react to it. Will people understand what I was going for? Will they laugh? Or will I be made out to be this terrible guy who exploited someone and spent all this time and effort to make fun of him? I’ve gotten a few messages in the past from people who are angry with the fact that I seem to take such joy in making fun of those who don’t like what I do when I could be spending that time to improve my drawing skills (assuming, of course, that if I wasn’t writing then I would be drawing, which is not necessarily accurate 100% of the time). I have gotten messages saying that they think I am whining and complaining when I bring up these sorts of topics in my writing. It’s not that I fear such a backlash against me now, but I just want people to understand that “Ninjatron Sucks at Drawing Transformers” is meant to be fun.

I did my best to craft an article that was as entertaining as possible. The messages behind it all are serious, of course, and I take them very seriously. But I took great pains to not just insult this fellow for the hell of it (like he did to me when he could have given proper feedback), but rather to bring a humorous light to the things he said and the way he said them (all of which were completely real and presented totally unedited). I do believe in standing up for myself, and I do believe in the content and quality of my website. I will fight back when I am attacked, or when any other artist is attacked like that, but in this particular case it kind of turned into something completely different and so I decided to have some fun with it. A much better solution than simply insulting back and forth, don’t you think?

I do realize that, yes, if I was actually drawing instead of writing all of that nonsense, then perhaps people won’t think I suck. But I can’t please everyone, nor would I ever want to. So I’m not going to bother trying. I like to think that the way I draw is a little different than some of the other stuff you may find on the Internet, but there will always be people who don’t want what I have to offer. So be it. And yes, I do admit, as every artist should, that there are things that I could improve on. You’ll probably already see improvement in my artwork if you look at the earliest pieces and compare them to the latest. That’s why I wrote those comments under each piece, because it says right there when I completed the work, and that’s why I still have older artwork in the galleries that is no longer indicative of my current skill level.

But I like writing too. I like writing about funny stuff. And I think that “Ninjatron Sucks at Drawing Transformers” is funny. I think the content is funny, and I also think the fact that I wrote all of it is funny. I laughed a lot while I was writing it! And I think much of the humor also comes at my own expense. If the unflattering caricatures of myself aren’t enough of a give away, then surely the title is!

So, I hope that you also think that this article is funny. I will certainly appreciate any comments you have. But if you don’t think it’s funny, well, I’m sorry. Don’t hate me. I’m not really a bad guy. I just don’t think I suck at drawing Transformers, and my idea of fighting that was to crack a few jokes about it.

There have been other stories about other such encounters I’ve had that I plan on eventually chronicling on the website. And I’m sure that there will be more stories to come, perhaps because of what I did with this one. Hey, you know what? Bring it.

If you have anything to say about this, positive or negative, please use the message board and we’ll talk about it. I am honestly looking for feedback on this article, as well as the rest of the new updates. You can post about this article and about any of the other updates here. So, see you there.

Sayonara.