Just before the new year, some punk kid who I had never met before sent me this e-mail.

You can’t be a moderator like me! I am the best moderator and every time I come to this site I puke all over myself! Want a good site, try mine! Bitch! I’m Raven and my site KICKS ASS, you stupid idiot. You cant draw either!!!

Wow, such an eloquent statement. Bitch. I have no freakin’ idea what he means by saying that I can’t be a moderator like him, but judging by the way this clown does business when he talks about his site, I am quite sure that I don’t want to be anything even remotely resembling whatever the hell he is. The way he wrote all of this forces me to believe that he’s been to my website more than once, so in turn I am forced to wonder why he bothered coming back for a second helping if he puked all over himself the first time. Not the most intelligent thing to tell someone you’re trying to make a point to. And you’ve got to appreciate how he just tacks on “You cant draw either!!!” at the end. With three exclamation points. Oooh, serious.

Perhaps I was being vain, but I could only assume that this e-mail was sent to me with the thought that I’d make fun of it, and thus draw attention to the so-called kick ass site that this “Raven” person claims to have. So of course I’m not going to put the URL up here because that’s exactly what he wants and I’m not playing that game today. Not that it would have mattered if I had posted about this at the time, since the website address provided in the e-mail did not work. I found this kick ass “Page can not be found” site amusing, but I shrugged it off and didn’t even bother replying.

Then I got this a few days later:

Hey jerk, I told you I wanted to challenge you in in who’s a better webmaster!

LOOK AT MY SITE!!!

and then cry because it is FAR supierior to your crappy site!

Heh, “supierior”. Well, actually, he did not officially issue a formal challenge the last time, but whatever. So I check out the site address he included, this one being a completely different URL than the one from the first e-mail. The result?

“Page can not be found.”

You just can’t write comedy like that. It’s just too funny to make up. I sent “Raven” an e-mail complementing him on the nice job he did on this nonexistent web page, and that was the end of that. I haven’t heard back from him, so I just assumed that it was just someone’s idea of a joke.

But recently sorting out my in-box, I went back to take another look at those e-mails and, lo and behold, this “kick ass” website actually does exist now! So it’s real after all. Raven probably should have worked the bugs out before shooting off his big fat mouth, but there I was so I took a look around this “kick ass” website and found, in my humble opinion, that it was about as generic as you could possibly get on the Internet. Just another in a long line of anime websites with a fancy layout using standard images and the same sort of rudimentary information on the usual batch of popular, well known anime series that just about every other anime website like it already covers. Not bad, but nothing spectacular, nothing out of the ordinary, nothing no one else has ever seen before. Whoopdee freakin’ doo. Bitch.

Most interesting, however, was that there was a “Webmaster Tips” section. Perhaps this could help me make my crappy site as “kick ass” as Raven’s? So I read through it and, based on this situation, picked out a few lines that seemed to, shall we say, strike a chord with me.

You are not the best! This goes along with attitude too. Constantly saying “the best” or “the newest” not only sounds redundant, but also makes you look like a fool, and infuriates other webmasters. Nobody is the best – it’s a community.

Hmmm. And yet…

I am the best moderator and every time I come to this site I puke all over myself!

Hmmm.

Maybe you like to pick on the little sites, but one day they will be stronger and you will have made an enemy. If a site looks promising, help them out. With this little bit of help, the site may succeed, and who will they thank?

Hmmm. And yet…

…and then cry because it is FAR supierior to your crappy site!

Hmmm.

There will be periods of time people make fun of your site and such, but if you have the right motivation then move ahead forgetting what they’ve said and fulfill your goals.

Hmmm. And yet…

I’m Raven and my site KICKS ASS, you stupid idiot. You cant draw either!!!

Hmmm.

Like I said, interesting. Draw your own conclusions. Bitch.

Sayonara.