Well, here it is! Attached to that E-mail was this drawing. Are you ready for this awesome artwork that Paul will not say is good, but was drawn with the intention to prove that even he has more artistic talent than me? Are you ready for this artwork that took almost 20 whole entire minutes to finish?

Are you sure?

Really?

All right, then! Here goes nothing! Everyone, get a load of Optimus Prime by Paul!

TADAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

Well, like he said himself, he held to his promise and finished it. That is something. But, removed from everything that was said between the two of us, the drawing still has issues. The hands look small and weak, his lower legs are a bit short, his stance is a bit awkward, the perspective isn't quite right, the details are flat, and I don't believe from this drawing that all of the parts can fit together and actually move. That all said, there are some things that he did very well. His attempts at drawing with 3 dimensions and acknowledging the presence of light and shadow are commendable, most of the details seem to be accurate and in place, and the head, while tilted at a strange angle when compared to the body, is mostly well drawn.

You see, this is what we in "the business" call "constructive criticism". Seems to be much more informative than "Hey,you suck". If he actually expressed an interest in drawing, maybe I'd be more inclined on helping him out with his artwork.

So, at the bottom line, is this good art? No, not really. But all in all, it's not too bad for a first try. I'm certainly not going to say that everything I've ever drawn for as long as I've been alive is better than this. But I don't think that's very arrogant of me to say that I think it's pretty obvious to anyone who has actually spent the time to take a thorough look around this website that most of my work is better.

And so, here lies a dilemma. Do I pull out all the stops, work day and night, and crank out something spectacular just to crush this guy? Is that really fair? Is it right for me to take it this seriously and spend time working hard on a drawing for such a petty reason? He said that drawing this was a question of honor for him, but is it more honorable for me to fight or not to fight? This is a complex question and I do not know the answer. But I came up with a solution that I thought would provide the ultimate conclusion to this epic battle, taking advantage of some of his earlier ramblings.

At this point, my computer was undergoing some maintenance and it took me awhile before I was able to take a good look at Paul's image and get back to him. Paul was understandably quite impatient. But I got back to him a few weeks later with my own drawing along with a sneaky little bonus. Here's what I sent to him. Yeah, I was bad.

Well Paully, after taking some time to look over your picture, I must agree with you. It isn't very good. There are several size and perspective related issues. But it is a very good try for someone who says he can't draw. Though you also said that even you can do better then my drawings, and I think we can both agree that your drawing does not meet that claim.

But this is all in good fun, so here is my artwork. I chose to draw one of my most favorite characters, Soundwave. Here he is, with a special message.

Now, I know you said just to do a black and white picture without a background and not use the computer because everyone knows that anybody can make a picture look good if they have the right programs, but I was having so much fun with this that I just couldn't resist putting it through Photoshop and adding some colours. I think it looks ok.

Not bad, but not the best thing I've ever done. Though the added background is a nice touch. What do you think?

Sayonara.

Heh heh heh.

If he thinks I'm crappy at drawing Transformers, then I was going to give him the crappiest Transformers drawing I could possibly draw! I drew that terrible picture of Soundwave flipping the bird on some crumpled up paper on a bumpy surface using the dullest pencil I could find while smudging all over the place. It was actually really hard to get into the mindset of not trying make this drawing good, and I did the best I could to temporarily forget everything I knew. Then, I drew a less-crappy version of the same concept, quickly coloured it in Photoshop, dropped a desecrated David Hasselhoff album cover in the background (I just couldn't help myself anymore), and jokingly attempted to pass it off as the exact same drawing as that crappy one above, when they are obviously two completely different drawings.

Certainly one has to expect that Paul will see what's really going on here. I wondered what he would think about this. Would he get the joke? A little while later I would find out.

my friend,it looks like i`m right with the words i`ve written before.your black and white soundwave sucks more than my optimus.i actually CAN draw the better originals.that point goes to the man that don`t look to the size of each part.i`ve said that i can not draw but.......man your soundwave sucks........what i can do in 20 minutes speakes for himself.don`t be sad my friend.you can`t prove me that im wrong when you make such a silly pic.i`ve taken a look to your collored pic and i must say:COMPUTER DRAW FOR ME!!!!!!with such an accident(and your soundwave is for shure an accident) do i waste my time?but i don`t blame you.you don`t know it better.and you have the guts to say my pic is not good?tzzz.....look at your piece.....there is nothing that looks good......but thanks,this brings satisfaction to me.i`ve wished you prove me wrong.but no.....you``ve powered my meanings up.nice try.try harder next time when anyone challanges you.by the way,your so called COMPUTER PROBLEMS wasn`t there.so think about what you want do do and what comes out when you do it.what a waste of time.

Oh my goodness.

Either he's messing with me, or that whole thing just flew right over his head. Unbelievable! I've powered his meanings up!

Does he actually think that was a serious attempt? Does he honestly believe that those two different images are actually the same drawing? Is he really humoring the idea that computer software can take a drawing that awful and turn it into a completely different and far superior full colour illustration?

It must be.... The Power of Hasselhoff.

I like that "so think about what you want do do and what comes out when you do it" line. What an excellent little gem of wisdom that is. There's a joke about constipation somewhere in there that I'm just not going to touch. Though I wonder what "that point goes to the man that don`t look to the size of each part" is supposed to mean. Is he coming on to me? Sorry, but I don't swing that way!

He says he's satisfied, now that he knows he can "draw the better originals", but I'm still sensing a lot of hostility here, so I was thinking that I should try to be nice to him when I sent my reply. I also included a special surprise.

Oh, well that's ok, Paul! That doesn't mean we still can't be friends! It's not a waste of time. Just think about how much we've both learned about ourselves, and each other! For shure! Now we can be best buddies.

Here, I drew a brand new picture for you. I tried much harder on this one. It's Ultra Magnus. What do you think?

Do you like it? I think it's the prettiest thing ever.

Sayonara.

See, wasn't that nice? It started as a battle, but here I am extending the olive branch.

My thinking was that perhaps my Soundwave drawing just wasn't crappy enough, and so if I made a new drawing that was obviously much, much crappier, he'd catch on that I was just playing around. And just look at that drawing. The stupid expression, the terrible malformed hands, the asymmetrical proportions, and multiple different pencil shading techniques being poorly applied with absolutely no regard for a light source, all drawn on sheet of notebook paper. There is no way that anyone who has actually seen what I can do would ever think that this Ultra Magnus drawing was a legitimate piece of art.

Or is there?

hmm,i can`t see any sense in what you try to do.we can mail.that`s ok with me.but i don`t waste any time to draw anything.i feel satisfaction `cause i still think my pic is better.but maybe are you ok.if you want we can make friendship.but if you start yoking `bout me than take a pen and stick it where the sun don`t shine.

Wow.

Well, so much for that. Once again, right over his head. Not even an acknowledgment of my skills in crappy drawing. He just totally ignored everything! His Internet magic is truly mighty. But at least he thinks that I might be ok after all and that we could be friends. Which is nice. Unless I start "yoking", in which case.... oops!

And thus ended the battle between Paul and Ninja! Let's tally up the scorecard to see what he have learned from all of this.

1. My work don't fit at all.
2. I throw my work to mars.
3. Meine deutsch versuche sind für`n arsch du pissflitsche
4. My site is one with the crap draws.
5. I hide that I'm as dumb as an ape with knowledge.
6. That point goes to the man that don`t look to the size of each part.
7. Think about what you want do do and what comes out when you do it.
8. COMPUTER DRAW FOR ME!!!!!!
9. I've powered his meanings up.
10. But maybe I am ok.

Who stands victorious at the end of this confrontation? I will leave you to make up your own mind. But if you're one of those people who thinks that I shouldn't have wasted my time with Paul when I could have been drawing instead and think that I'm a big jerk for doing all of this, well maybe you're right. But you're probably better off just not thinking about it because you obviously have no sense of humor. This guy pretty much insulted everything that I'm about and all that I stand for. I retaliated and fought to defend myself and what I believe to be true. Yeah, maybe I was a jerk about it, but in the end I had some fun, and I think he did too. This article, despite any potential controversy it may generate, is meant to be taken in a lighthearted fashion. Once again, I turned, nay, TRANSFORMED a negative into a positive!

And on that note, let's try another little transformation! Since Paul seemed to think that using a computer will make any drawing into something great if you have the right programs, I wonder what will happen if I take his Optimus Prime artwork and use my Ninja Photoshop skills to quickly run some colour through it. Obviously I'm not going spend a lot of time to refine and perfect something like this, but I honestly put my best foot forward and coloured properly without trying to sabotage the drawing. It was quite an experience to work on colouring art of this particular caliber.

And here it is!

Well, OK, maybe it does look a little better in colour. But there's still no denying that, even after being run through Photoshop, this is not really very good artwork. Nothing I could ever do, short of going in there and erasing and redrawing several areas of the original pencil lines, can hide the fact that this image is seriously flawed.

But wait! Perhaps there is an easy way to use a computer to make something crappy look good! What happens if I run it through this awesome new realistic Photoshop filter? With a simple click of the mouse, I will turn Paul's drawing into something so amazing you'll be squirting Energon out your nose! Come on, Optimus Prime, light our darkest hour!

Paul, if you're reading this, thanks for the laughs. Maybe you're ok too.

Even if you do like David Hasselhoff.

Sayonara.

Ninjatron wants to know what you think about the epic battle you just witnessed, so please discuss this article on the SykoGrafix Message Board, where even you can throw you work to mars!