First of all, let's get one thing perfectly clear. Politics are not my thing. I know little about the ways of government, nor do I really care to. From my vantage point, all I can see are boring old rich white guys bickering back and forth like children. Not very exciting.

That all said, it has always been my ambition to rule the world.

As a child, I would look up to such notable luminaries as Darth Vader and Doctor Doom, thinking to myself "One day... that will be me!"

That day is now!

In the Summer of 2004, the world was abuzz with clashing opinions regarding the United States Presidential campaign. It seemed that no matter where you went, there was always someone, on either side of the fence, ready to proudly exclaim what they thought about the guy they weren't voting for and all the terrible things he did or did not do, as if anyone actually gave a damn. Well, I for one, didn't give much of a damn at all, and thought that my website, being what it is, would be immune from such discussion.

Alas, that was not to be. While things were not nearly as bad as they could have been, a few scattered political discussions did break out on my message board. Things got a bit heated. A thread was started that asked who should be the President. Knowing all too well the sort of mayhem that usually ensues from such discussion, I quickly intercepted and said, jokingly, that my personal thought was that I should be President.

You see, it's a joke because I'm Canadian.

Well surly you can see by now that our story does not end with my off-the-cuff remark. My words must have resonated deep within the core of like-minded individuals, who created a ground swell of enthusiasm towards the idea. But that would not be enough! Oh no, President of the United States of America would be deemed too insignificant, too paltry of a title to be bestowed upon one such as I. There is so much more that could be done! That is when my friend Shawn finally took it upon himself to articulate the thoughts and feelings of those around the world when he said:

That's when it clicked. That's when I realized that the world doesn't need another boring old rich white guy to run the show. What the world really needs is a NINJA! With such resounding confidence being placed on me by the people, who am I to let them down? If President Ninja is what you want, then President Ninja is what you'll get!

With such a lofty goal in sight, the question became... how to reach it? So I turned to my loyal minions and vowed to tackle the issues that truly mattered the most to them. No more useless prattle about insane cows going across the border. I would abolish such nonsense and take command of what the people would deem as the most important topics.

The most natural question came first. When I become the President of the World, what would I do? And just as naturally I responded that I would eat some pizza in celebration. Seems like the right thing to do.

My first official act, however, would be to unify all of the people of the world under one banner. My banner. The way I see it is that there would be no more need for strife and hatred if everyone had common ground upon which to stand. With me as leader, that common ground would be the clear, secure, and infallible knowledge of my awesomeness. It just makes perfect sense!

I understand that Godzilla has become a very controversial figure over the past 50 years. We can not ignore the fact that he has taken it upon himself to lay ruin to several of the Earth's cities for his own amusement. However we can also not ignore the fact that he has also protected the world against extraterrestrial invasion and proven himself in battle against fearsome creatures, such as King Ghidorah and Gigan, who sought nothing but to destroy our fair planet.

Certainly, Godzilla can not be allowed to roam free as he pleases, as cities simply can not withstand his sheer girth. However, we must also be fair to Godzilla. He is a very complex individual, who can not help but be who he is. He is also a product of the nuclear age, when people much dumber than me attempted to rule the Earth with their dishonorable weapons. It is not Godzilla's fault that he is a giant, angry, nuclear monster, but that's the way it is and so we'll all just have to deal with it somehow.

And so I propose a compromise. Godzilla will be relocated to France. It is there were he will be able to destroy to his heart's content. The people of France, who enjoy the antics of Jerry Lewis, will not be bothered at all, and will most likely come to love their new lizard friend. In exchange for the stability and comfort of his new home, Godzilla will be asked to help protect the world should his services be needed to defend us against alien menaces or subdue any other unruly monsters.

I believe that this is a fair and just policy that will ultimately serve to benefit both humans and kaiju alike. It is the dream of children around the world that people and monsters can live together in peace and harmony. As President, I vow to make that dream a reality!

People have expressed to me great concern regarding the proliferation of bananas and their dangerous peels. Now, I do not personally enjoy either the slippery exterior or the mushy innards of the banana, however I must keep a level head and not let my personal opinion on the issue get in the way of my Presidential duties. And so I propose to set up an International Banana Peel Registration Database so that only those who are mentally qualified to handle banana peels and know the dangers associated with banana peel accidents are permitted to posses them.

This, along with banana peel control laws regarding the proper storage and maintenance of banana peels, locally enforced by a special division of genetically enhanced monkeys, will keep this deadly fruit epidermis out of the wrong hands.

However, due to the sacred tradition of the event, banana peels will continue to be permitted for use under the strict confines of Super Mario Kart. These athletes know the risks involved and are properly trained to handle them.

My philosophies regarding free speech are quite simple. I built my website, SykoGrafix, as a venue for me to say what I feel I must say, do what I must do, and share it all with the world. It now stands proudly as a shining blue beacon for everyone across the Internet to behold. I vow that as President, the ability to express one's opinion in a rational and appropriate manner will never be oppressed, and everyone, regardless of race, religion, species, or preferred video game console manufacturer, will enjoy the same rights and freedoms that I have used to express myself here on my website.

However, we must also be reasonable about this. I believe that no one should be allowed to express themselves during a movie. That's just annoying and rude. Violators will be severalty punished.

Now, I know what you are thinking. What if someone were to say something negative about me? How would I handle that? Well I seriously doubt that issue will ever come up. I mean, let's be realistic about this. What sort of person would ever have anything bad to say about me?

Most people out there seem to think that war is bad. I even heard a song about that once. However, these same people have perhaps been taken aback by my appreciation for chaos and destruction. I want to assure everyone that these two philosophies are not entirely incompatible. If it is agreed that war is indeed bad, and if it is also agreed that I like chaos and destruction, than the solution is simple. I will destroy war. Except, of course, for Star Wars.

The time of fighting amongst ourselves in a non-entertainment capacity must come to an end! We must peacefully co-exist together as people of this planet, untie under the stringent leadership of the Ninja. Then, and only then, can we pool together all of our technological resources and build great weapons of destruction with which we shall begin our conquest of the galaxy. Thus you see why Star Wars will become so important, as these films will serve as reference during intergalactic confrontations (lightsaber fights, how to choke people without touching them, that sort of thing).

There is great concern these days over the health of the world's population and the rising rate of obesity amongst young people. I have been asked what I plan to do about this, if anything. This is an important issue to be brought up, but I must first make one thing clear. I am not about to force anyone to lose weight. I believe that people should make their own choices, and as long as they do not become a drain on society, they should be allowed to live their lives. If they choose to stuff themselves with burgers and never get off the couch, then that's up to them.

However, for those who want help, I have a plan. The obese people who wish to change their ways can volunteer for an exiting new program where they will be converted into cool cyborgs. Outfitted with the latest in high tech gadgetry, the benefits of being a cyborg will far outweigh being fat (pun intended). The excess liposuctioned blubber will be processed into plutonium and used as fuel for the space shuttles that will serve in my conquest of the galaxy. Of course, these space shuttles will be operated by the cyborgs, but do not feel as if they are giving up their freedom, for they will surely receive lots of attention from several attractive alien inhabitants of the planets that will undoubtable fall into my grasp.

You can see in this complex technical diagram that the test subject is much, much happier as a cyborg.

Now, I understand that it can be very hard for someone to admit that they have a problem with their weight. That is why the cyborg bodies will be meticulously designed to look as awesome as possible. When people see how cool these cyborgs are, they will be so impressed that they too will wish to be cyborgs! It's a perfect solution for a healthier, more cybernetic world.

I can not ignore the possibility that, with me as leader, our planet will become the subject of jealousy amongst other planets throughout the Universe who will no doubt seek to pillage us. I also must prepare for the possibility that other planets will, for whatever ridiculous reason, not enjoy being conquered by my legion of formerly obese cyborgs, and attack the Earth in retaliation. It is wise to assume that these alien civilizations may be much more technologically advanced than our own, and thus possess weaponry of unimaginable horror the likes of which have never been seen before by human eyes. How would we defend ourselves from such potential menaces?

The answer is quite simple. The answer is GIANT ROBOTS.

Allow me to explain. There will be no more need to spend hard-earned taxpayer money on such frivolity as missiles with cameras in them that can explode only once. All of that money will go towards programs that will research and develop technologies related to the construction of a giant robot army. However, the purpose of these robots will not be to fight. They won't even need to. These robots will be constructed to look as amazingly awesome as possible. That way, when the alien invaders get a good look at these incredibly cool giant robots, they will be intimidated beyond our comprehension, forcing them to turn around and go away, never to bother us again.

To give you an idea of what I'm thinking about, here are some 100% Original Robot Design Plans that I've been working on.

This is a peaceful solution that will result in very cool robots whose likenesses will become the subject of a tidal wave of merchandise for children and collectors. Revenue generated from this merchandise will go towards the development of even more robots, ensuring the safety of this planet long after my body has been cryogenically frozen.

I have been asked about my stance regarding the issues surrounding rabid fan girls. Some people believe that the rabid fan girl population should be brought under control. I do not belive in that. Rabid fan girls are the lifeblood of the animation industry, which is very near and dear to my heart. For the most part, they should be allowed to be as rabid as they like. Besides, with me as World President, it goes without saying that they will all become rabid fans of me, and I have absolutely no problem with that whatsoever.

The bigger issue, and one I think doesn't get enough coverage, is the issue of the rabid fan boys. I believe that most of this issue will be obliterated as a side benefit of the aforementioned cyborg plan.

Some people have expressed concerns that I am too mentally unstable to assume the mantel of World Leader. I can not entirely disagree that I am insane. Of course I am insane. I am an insane ninja. But I am comfortable with that, so there is nothing to be concerned about. Perhaps the leadership of an insane ninja is exactly what the world needs! Obviously, the old style of politics have failed. I believe that my current mental state gives me an incredible advantage over the ancient ways of the so-called "sane" population. It should be blatantly obvious at this point that several of my groundbreaking ideas could never have sprung from the dusty old minds of these boring, stuffy, political prunes. While they're squabbling over budgets and health care, I am using the power of my furious rage to think about the things that matter the most!

And so it is with great humility that I march forward towards the office of World President. I have tackled all of the important issues and explained my position in clear, easy to understand language, so it's just common sense to say that I will rule the world. Not a portion of the world, but the entire world, including all countries and hidden undersea civilizations therein.

There is no campaign. There will be no election. But if enough people want for me to become President of this Planet, well then it just has to happen! Now that I have outlined my agenda, my victory is all but assured.

And so, as your future ruler, I give this message to the people of Earth. Whether we, as a planet, will prosper to untold heights or spiral downward to oblivion, one thing is for certain. With Ninjatron as the President of the World...

And that's the most important issue of all.

Sayonara.

The Preceding message was a work of comedic fiction with the sole purpose of making fun of people who take all of this politictal nonsense far more seriously than they should. If anyone feels insulted or has any other sort of problem, including, but not limited to, feeling that reading this garbage was a complete and utter waste of time, the offended parties are advised to contact their local spaceports and arrange to move to another planet, because if you've been paying attention then you know by now that Ninjatron is running this one.